Transparent Reflection

Reflection:  I am so transparent.

Yes, on a reflective moment on the bus, not to be too repetitive, I realized the flow of these words ring so true for me.  Damn HeartSleeves!  I wear them as opaquely as I do my transparency.  Vellum mind paper.  Swing statue through the smooth nest.
I worry my wall of paper that is so strong looking is just a shred away from break-through.  And what's on the other side is terrifying.  Where's my Polaroid before it escapes me? 

I wish I could trust. vs. cannot be trusted; they're all gay and I'm not even though I try to be.
They've always broken in my hands as I lovingly built sculptures to live in.  That's my downfall, and I don't know where the pieces are of that puzzle.  I've actually thrown the puzzle away.  Now the game is in reverse.
You may think you are in heaven, Jay says, hes my king for a day, and I with powdered and baroque elaborateness in my fantasies everything is a dance and orgy on the piano.  Transforming into Lady Gaga type madness...but she's me.  And then bloody stained hair and white perfectness turned dirty; dirty; dirty.  Don't mind what I say.  I resemble Lain, a girl from a cartoon I found.  A Japanese one of course.  I'll have to dig her up....or just go find me on myspace.  And there she is. 
Our darkness unites us, our brightness divides us. 
A mask tightens my face
A shimmer shines through.  Glimmer.
I will always pursue.
I will always hope.
I will.
Never.
Give up.
Ever.

I am in a very strange place
I wish I could lie

Playing that game
I'm not really all that competitive
But I'll wait a little while
And see what happens

I'm waiting on the brink of something
Not sure what, not clear yet
It's a bit muddy and the anticipation is killing me
But I'm making it up as I go

Avoiding the scars
REFUSING them
Making them pieces of my artwork
Making them a bedtime story

Speaking of, I must sleep
Cuz I have to
But only after Maria Callas sings
Clarity
Dream