Realize this:

I had an busy day, eventful, productive, effective, and then wham!  It got turned into a reality check.  And that's ok.  It was bound to happen sooner or later.  But when you're least expecting it, here comes your past to haunt you...and what do you do?  Say hi, leave, and go cry.  And then Plan B...on to next party!  Thank God for that.  Really.  I feel so silly, (it's sensitive time for me, and that's my excuse) but after a year and a half, why the heck am I so affected?!!!

So the party was for my friend Lester Lady, and it was awesome.  A guy came in, Ken Foster, and randomly; I bought one of his paintings off him.  I absolutely love it!!!  And then I had a conversation with whats-his-name-Williams sitting on the bale of hay about people who are doers and getter done, and the ppl that are visionaries.  They've got all the ideas, but it doenst necessarily get done.  That used to frustrate him until he realized the difference.  I'm a visionary.  I admit it; with the good and the bad.  I accept it.  And I move on.  

A friend told me today that in my world everyone revolves around me. That I really like attention, and ...well i cant remember the rest, except to say that he also said that that's what makes me me.  I'm so embarrassed, but glad for his honesty... There are things to improve upon, and gosh-darnit this is one of them.  I now have a new resolution.  Forget new years, new year starts now!  To endeavour to not be late, to respect other's time, and to learn to accurately plan how long things REALLY take.  Don't know why that's such a battle for me, but I will learn. 

And then in my tears, and in the rainy night, dancing in and over the puddles, the rings floating together; I started for some reason on my very rare wordy bits.  Poetry came pouring out... and I'll record it here. 
I love when the words somehow just pour out...I don't quite know how that happens or where it comes from , but it comes, and I allow it, and revel in it.  And there it is:

I've got a new resolution:
Excess is what I came for
Your smile upon my lips
chains on my back
cage I dance in
Radiance
Simmer
Safe
Hot

Malicious delishious
Blood brother
Connect the knot
Sever no more
Reap what you have sewn
and spun beautiful yarn
silver blue
moon white
blackest black
a sliver of fuzzy spreading red
spindly
prick my finger
awakes with only your kiss
your heart a-pounding
throbs to my core
alight mine in turn
lesson till lesson learnt
beg your mercy
let us return the favor

A gift
inexplicably miraculously
my meaning making machine
working overtime
coming from everywhere
and nowhere

And now i will paint
your picture
i dont know what you look like
but i feel:
See you

I hear
I feel
I hold
So do I
and that's what it's for
strings and yarns
quilts of comfort
and warmth in turn
a similar and strange body

oh curse this fear
oh curse this body
float into my space
a light
a pasture into a meadow
peace of mind

We'll always be there in memory
remember and treasure
there's gems to be found
and i live there as the fairies do
tinkling in dreamland
toes in the sand
as my love comes to me
sailing on the misty sea
wafts over the air in perfume
only i can see
how dear it is to me

come conquer my ship
my waves are deep but safe
my tears forever hold
the secrets of you
lost at sea

soon to be another promised land
land ahoy!!
past is clear history
now is all i see
alone in my solitude
i'm thankful
and open as the wind
i will not let worry me
it will be as it will be
strength is mine
lessons learnt
I am peace of mind


So there it is; a jumble of thoughts; referencing a few things battling in my mind.  Concepts and flow.  A gift I am thankful for, and I'll share it with you.  A bit exposed, just to share and know that I or perhaps you aren't the only ones.