Technically it's Christmas eve, whatever that means. A night that feels like something is supposed to happen. A stirring in the air, so to speak. It's more a stirring in my heart and mind. It's been stirring up all day, a simmering, a heating up, then to a slow boil, then the cooling off process has now begun. All this commences by leaving my familiar and accustomed territory. I am now in familiar yet a strange land. It is comforting and settling. A returning to the familiar yet ever widening distance. The distance is a self imposed one, a time imposed one, a gentle yet strong current wherein my mind and choices and experiences lead me yet further away.
What is one to do with distance under their feet and trodden down paths reconstructed in their mind? How does one return to the beginning only to find that things will never be the same? THere's a realization that this is what life consists of. Be it family or friends, these things always bind and are forever consistent, but always adjusting. Embrace the change. Embrace the moments. These things are the stone-hard treasures that glisten in your saddle bag. The journey can be an adventure, full of discovery. Mountains are climbed, and heights attained. Depths are sought and gems obtained. They can weigh or lift you off your feet. What would you choose? It's your life and I believe you have it only once. This means to me that there are things you can change and things you can't, and what I can do is choose to live it to the fullest.
Enjoy the hot tea and fireplace. Enjoy the friendships and relationships. Hold fast to the you that you are, yet be as open as the wind. It can take you far; the wind. Quality not quantity.
My self I wish to be taken on a dry warm wind, of the desert perhaps, but in a starry night. Mysterious and devious, full of surprises and wonders. A treasure trail of "what's just around the bend". I like life that way.
So now it's christmas, and I'm so thankful for my family, and so glad I'm who I am, and that we have love no matter what. And to all a good night....
Friday, December 25, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Transparent Reflection
Reflection: I am so transparent.
Yes, on a reflective moment on the bus, not to be too repetitive, I realized the flow of these words ring so true for me. Damn HeartSleeves! I wear them as opaquely as I do my transparency. Vellum mind paper. Swing statue through the smooth nest.
I worry my wall of paper that is so strong looking is just a shred away from break-through. And what's on the other side is terrifying. Where's my Polaroid before it escapes me?
I wish I could trust. vs. cannot be trusted; they're all gay and I'm not even though I try to be.
They've always broken in my hands as I lovingly built sculptures to live in. That's my downfall, and I don't know where the pieces are of that puzzle. I've actually thrown the puzzle away. Now the game is in reverse.
You may think you are in heaven, Jay says, hes my king for a day, and I with powdered and baroque elaborateness in my fantasies everything is a dance and orgy on the piano. Transforming into Lady Gaga type madness...but she's me. And then bloody stained hair and white perfectness turned dirty; dirty; dirty. Don't mind what I say. I resemble Lain, a girl from a cartoon I found. A Japanese one of course. I'll have to dig her up....or just go find me on myspace. And there she is.
Our darkness unites us, our brightness divides us.
A mask tightens my face
A shimmer shines through. Glimmer.
I will always pursue.
I will always hope.
I will.
Never.
Give up.
Ever.
I am in a very strange place
I wish I could lie
Playing that game
I'm not really all that competitive
But I'll wait a little while
And see what happens
I'm waiting on the brink of something
Not sure what, not clear yet
It's a bit muddy and the anticipation is killing me
But I'm making it up as I go
Avoiding the scars
REFUSING them
Making them pieces of my artwork
Making them a bedtime story
Speaking of, I must sleep
Cuz I have to
But only after Maria Callas sings
Clarity
Dream
Yes, on a reflective moment on the bus, not to be too repetitive, I realized the flow of these words ring so true for me. Damn HeartSleeves! I wear them as opaquely as I do my transparency. Vellum mind paper. Swing statue through the smooth nest.
I worry my wall of paper that is so strong looking is just a shred away from break-through. And what's on the other side is terrifying. Where's my Polaroid before it escapes me?
I wish I could trust. vs. cannot be trusted; they're all gay and I'm not even though I try to be.
They've always broken in my hands as I lovingly built sculptures to live in. That's my downfall, and I don't know where the pieces are of that puzzle. I've actually thrown the puzzle away. Now the game is in reverse.
You may think you are in heaven, Jay says, hes my king for a day, and I with powdered and baroque elaborateness in my fantasies everything is a dance and orgy on the piano. Transforming into Lady Gaga type madness...but she's me. And then bloody stained hair and white perfectness turned dirty; dirty; dirty. Don't mind what I say. I resemble Lain, a girl from a cartoon I found. A Japanese one of course. I'll have to dig her up....or just go find me on myspace. And there she is.
Our darkness unites us, our brightness divides us.
A mask tightens my face
A shimmer shines through. Glimmer.
I will always pursue.
I will always hope.
I will.
Never.
Give up.
Ever.
I am in a very strange place
I wish I could lie
Playing that game
I'm not really all that competitive
But I'll wait a little while
And see what happens
I'm waiting on the brink of something
Not sure what, not clear yet
It's a bit muddy and the anticipation is killing me
But I'm making it up as I go
Avoiding the scars
REFUSING them
Making them pieces of my artwork
Making them a bedtime story
Speaking of, I must sleep
Cuz I have to
But only after Maria Callas sings
Clarity
Dream
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