It's been a year ago since...

I'm studying real estate.  I'm doing mathmatic formulas and equasions.  I never dreampt that I would, but I'm putting myself to the challenge, and it's a struggle.  But I will conquer!  I will succeed!   I will offer beauty to those who can't see it through the rose-colored glasses I posess and I will paint the picture for the realists.  The possibilities are endless, and I wish I was the professor to teach it.  Wait a minute!  I AM the professor to teach and speak it!   One at a time...

I am branding myself.  I am a brand.  If I were to have a tattoo it would comprise of a brand (think a cow brand or a ranchers' brand: yes, ouch)  but it would be of that sort.

Beauty is a connundrous thing

Beauty: in search of, in silence
I'm waiting, listening, seeking,
Patience is the keyhole into a universe
Unknown to man

Unspoken rhyme ends in evaporation
unspoken reverence ends in silent contemplation
said seen
pays loud attention

smooth silence
begets a reflection unmoving
still, see the beauty
in its curves

over the moon

It's snowed last night!  I love it!  I love the cold when it's white, and quiet, and the sky looks and smells like snow.  It's exciting, and invites you to a fireplace, or to walk in the snow, or to make snowflakes, and things like that.  Cozy up to a fireplace with someone special would be even more awesome!  Someday I will have a cabin with just that.  A big fireplace.  And a real fur rug.  And a real person to share it with, with red pjs and fleece...  I  think i'm going to have to go and draw the floor plans up right now!

And its the Vancovuer eastside Culture Crawl this weekend!  I hope I'm going to beat this sickness that's buggin me.  Cuz this girl's got stuff to do and see and people to hang out with n stuff!
So here I go for a hot lemon/garlic drink to fight it off...
Gnite!

Bling vs. Slimy Slop

Yes, most of the time an oyster in my mind means happy white opalescent gloriousness, but sometimes it's just a grey slimy sloppy grossness.  Life can be like that sometimes.  And then the sun shines and you're gleaming again.
I've been in a situation that is purely an agreement.  But I find myself in a sloppy mess.  I'm also seeing a pattern here, of lots of oysters with lots of barnacles on them.  They're all in a row, and I can't seem to get above the tide at times.  Thank goodness it's waning. The pull of that moon is stronger than we might think.
As you can see I'm struggling with the positive and negative.  I am a bit pulled by the moon on the negative side at this moment.  Damn Cancer traits in me!  I love the pearly moon, however she may be at the moment, or present herself to be.  Damn sensitive too.  The crab is in her shell at the moment, screaming to get out.  So, change of course seems eminent.  Damn Spring.
These are all seemingly solitary, but can't function without the other.  Since when did I decide I had to be so freakin independent and solitary?  Solitude is my friend, granted, but really?
Fixations and chameleons.  Now is the time to paint.  Use this emotion(s) to be fixated onto a canvas of sorts.  It is what it is.  I made a choice.  All I can control is my own choices, good or bad.  Chocolate or vanilla.  Damn, that's a hard decision...but it all comes out the other end!  Lol. 
Oblivious and I'm ever so thankful. Innocence.  Raise your own flag!  (Thanks Bjork and Lady Gaga)
Flashbacks from the past haunt my memories and my dreams.  Why was I screaming bloody hell in my dreams last night?  Yet floating/flying above the earth so high and peaceful.  Trap? Trigger/release? How fast we can come crashing down.  Ride the wave.  (I wanted to say "ride the snake",- Jim Morrison.  I'm a little obsessed lately)

I suppose it's time to head back to dream land.  The bed needs to be filled with good things to sleep on. I will supply them in my mind.  I still covet my white and black swan bed.  Someday to be made into reality.  Complete with the occasional man-maid peeling my grapes and fanning me!  Sure, why not.  lol.

Well, that felt so much better to send into cyber-space.  I hope someone gets a kick out of it.  Regardless, it's out of my head, and forever there as a reminder.

I love you little monsters. 
Oblivion

Silence in Chaos, or rather, chaos in the silence

I went to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Vancouver gastown.  I danced for him, and I closed my eyes.  I danced so much; I sweat like I was in a sauna.  It was wonderful to be in a space where everyone there understood the risque.  Sheik of my burning sand. Centurion of my fantasies, a switch to compliment the sting.  Why is this so enjoyable, I wonder.  So many reasons.  Interesting that I've experienced a dance floor orgasm that was a stranger to me.
missing links
bondage of exhibition
the curve of lips
the need of touch
solace in the midst of desire
relief
tension in the knots
sighs

Re-creation and Fresh Start

Here I am on January 1, 2010!  Wow.  That's surreal to say. 
After a night of making new aquaintances and hanging out with friends, and sharing our initiatives and inspirations for the new year, I feel I'm off to a great start. 
I've got so many things in my mind.  So many projects to do.  That's what I'm all about is the ideas.  Now to make it happen.  To plan.  To get to business!  Schedule it!  I can DO it!  That's what it is...so let it be.
I am going to go on a major trip this year.  Ideally to Paris in April!
I am going to concentrate on what I can do for others, rather than myself.
I am going to give and love and inspire and go where I've never gone before!
I am going to go snowshoeing
I am going to change my career focus
I am going to paint one
I am going to open doors I didnt think existed
I am going to let my light shine!!!!
I am going to save money
I am going to keep de-cluttering and learn to love simpleness
I am going to phone my parents once a week
I am going to exercise 3x a week
I am going to be a prism
....
I am going to bed!

Decompression EggNoggin

Technically it's Christmas eve, whatever that means.  A night that feels like something is supposed to happen.  A stirring in the air, so to speak.  It's more a stirring in my heart and mind.  It's been stirring up all day, a simmering, a heating up, then to a slow boil, then the cooling off process has now begun.  All this commences by leaving my familiar and accustomed territory.  I am now in familiar yet a strange land.  It is comforting and settling.  A returning to the familiar yet ever widening distance.  The distance is a self imposed one, a time imposed one, a gentle yet strong current wherein my mind and choices and experiences lead me yet further away.
What is one to do with distance under their feet and trodden down paths reconstructed in their mind?  How does one return to the beginning only to find that things will never be the same? THere's a realization that this is what life consists of.  Be it family or friends, these things always bind and are forever consistent, but always adjusting.  Embrace the change.  Embrace the moments.  These things are the stone-hard treasures that glisten in your saddle bag.  The journey can be an adventure, full of discovery.  Mountains are climbed, and heights attained.  Depths are sought and gems obtained.  They can weigh or lift you off your feet.  What would you choose?  It's your life and I believe you have it only once.  This means to me that there are things you can change and things you can't, and what I can do is choose to live it to the fullest. 
Enjoy the hot tea and fireplace.  Enjoy the friendships and relationships.  Hold fast to the you that you are, yet be as open as the wind.  It can take you far; the wind.  Quality not quantity.
My self I wish to be taken on a dry warm wind, of the desert perhaps, but in a starry night.  Mysterious and devious, full of surprises and wonders.  A treasure trail of "what's just around the bend".  I like life that way.
So now it's christmas, and I'm so thankful for my family, and so glad I'm who I am, and that we have love no matter what.  And to all a good night....